For five minutes, it was quiet.
I was almost asleep.
“Mom?”
“What?”
“I’m bored.”
“Go to sleep.”
“I’m not sleepy.”
I’m sleepy!
“Then look out the window.”
“It’s dark!”
“Then close your eyes!”
“But I’m not sleepy!”
I smiled under my mask.
“Mooooom!”
“WHAT?!”
“How much longer?”
“Nine hours.”
“How many minutes is that?”
“Lily, please!”
“Is it more than a hundred?”
“Five hundred and forty,” I said.
Her mother leaned forward.
“Nobody asked you!”
“Sorry. Occupational hazard. I like accurate numbers.”
Lily started counting to 540 out loud.
At sixty-three, her mother cracked.
“Stop counting!”
“Why?”
“You’re giving me a headache!”
“But I like counting!”
“Then count in your head!”
“How do I do that?”
In twenty years of medicine, I had never wanted an answer to a question so badly.
“Okay,” her mother said. “New game. I say a word, you say one that starts with the last letter. Apple.”
“Elephant.”
“Tiger.”
Monkey.
“Refrigerator.”
“Rabbit.”
“This is boring!”
Three minutes. A new record.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
But this time, her mother heard every single kick. No headphones. No tablet. Just the sound of her own child, in surround.
“LILY! Stop kicking his seat!”
“Why?”
“Because it’s annoying!”
“But you said he had to deal with it!”
I turned around.
“She’s got a point.”
“STAY OUT OF THIS!”
“Gladly. I’ve been trying for three hours.”
Lily tugged her mother’s sleeve.
“Mom!”
“What?!”
“I’m hungry.”
“You just ate!”
“That was two hours ago!”
“Then drink some water.”
“I don’t want water!”
“Then don’t drink anything!”
“But I’m thirsty!”
Her mother rubbed her temples.
BANG.
“STOP KICKING!”
“My legs are tired!”
“Then put them somewhere else!”
“Where?!”
BANG.
“I DON’T KNOW!”
I turned around.
“Everything okay?”
“DO I LOOK OKAY?!”
“You look like someone dealing with a child.”
“I’ll complain about you!”
“Go ahead. Tell them I answered a math question.”
She turned on her phone. Four percent.
“Here. Play a game. Quietly.”
Seven minutes later:
“Mom, it died.”
Welcome to the club. Membership is free. Sleep is not included.
Emily gave Lily a coloring book. Ten minutes later, she was bored again.
Then her head appeared between our seats.
“Are you a real doctor?”
“Real enough.”
“Have you operated on somebody?”
“Several times a week.”
“Did they cry?”
“They were asleep. Lucky them.”
“Lily! Don’t talk to him!”
“I’ve been asking you to talk to her for three hours.”
Her mother pulled Lily back.
“Stop bothering the man.”
“But he’s a doctor!”
“And he’s off duty,” I said.
Lily kicked my seat again.
Her mother was about to blow a gasket.
And I did something even I hadn’t expected.
I offered to help.
I remembered something my sons did whenever we were stuck waiting at airports. It usually bought me twenty minutes. Today, I’d happily settle for five uninterrupted minutes of peace.
“Lily, ever solved a crime?”
Her eyes widened.
“A real one?”
“An extremely serious one. Somebody stole the last chocolate cookie from my kitchen, and nobody confessed.”
“Who?”
“Three suspects. My sons and our dog. Your mother gets to be the detective.”
“Absolutely not,” her mother said.
“Then the criminal walks free.”
“Mom! Please! I want to catch him!”
THUMP.
“FINE! What’s the evidence?”
“Hold on,” I said. “Every detective needs a badge.”
I drew a star on my notepad.
“Detective Lily. Officially appointed.”
Lily grinned like she’d just been promoted.
“Where’s Mom’s badge?”
“She’s the chief. Chiefs don’t need badges.”
Her mother gave me a look.
“Convenient.”
“Hospital politics taught me.”
Lily held up her paper star.
“Can I arrest people?”
“Only after you find evidence. And no kicking suspects.”
“Even bad guys?”
“Especially bad guys. They might kick back.”
Her mother snorted despite herself.
“Do we get handcuffs?” Lily asked.
“Budget cuts,” I said. “You’ll have to use your imagination.”
“That’s a terrible police department.”
“You should see our coffee.”
The man one row over raised his cup.
“I’d like to file a complaint.”
“Take a number,” I told him.
Lily started searching her mother’s purse for a pen.
“Ask permission first,” I said.
“Mom, can I borrow it?”
“Yes. Thank you for asking.”
“See? Already solving crimes against airplane etiquette.”
“Don’t push your luck.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Lily drew another star and handed it to her mother.
“Now you’re officially my partner.”
Her mother examined the badge.
“Does this job come with a salary?”
“Cookies,” Lily said.
“Apparently, those are missing,” I replied.
I held up three fingers.
“Ben had chocolate on his shirt. Max had crumbs in his pocket. And the dog had an empty cookie wrapper beside his bed.”
“The dog did it!” Lily announced.
“Detectives don’t guess,” I said. “They interrogate witnesses.”
Her mother sighed.
“Fine. Why did Ben have chocolate on his shirt?”
“He was baking brownies.”
“And Max?”
“He said the crumbs came from crackers.”
“What about the dog?”
“Can’t talk. Excellent lawyer.”
Lily giggled.
“Mom, ask about the wrapper!”
“Was it torn open?”
“No. Neatly folded.”
Her mother leaned forward, interested despite herself.
“Dogs don’t fold wrappers.”
“Exactly,” Lily whispered. “Someone framed him!”
“Now you’re thinking like detectives.”
“Did Max eat the cookie?” her mother asked.
“He did. Ben caught him and made him clean up. Max planted the wrapper to blame the dog.”
“That’s cheating!” Lily protested.
“That’s crime.”
“Another case!”
I pointed at her mother.
“Detective, your turn. Invent a mystery. Your assistant can question you.”
“I don’t know any mysteries.”
“Something missing from home?”
She looked at Lily.
“My good lipstick. Last Tuesday.”
Lily suddenly studied her shoes.
“Oh, now THIS is interesting,” I said.
“Lily?”
“I only used it to color my doll’s mouth!”
Her mother stared.
Then she laughed for the first time all flight.
“Case closed,” I said, pulling down my mask. “Absolutely no further appeals.”
Behind me, Lily demanded another mystery. Her mother began inventing one about missing house keys.
For once, they were talking to each other instead of shouting at me.
Eventually, I fell asleep.
When I woke, landing was an hour away.
Four hours of sleep. Not bad for a man nearly done in by pink sneakers.
Lily was asleep against her mother’s shoulder. The woman looked as exhausted as I had felt in Tokyo.
Before landing, she leaned forward.
“Proud of yourself?”
“Very. Four hours.”
“You could’ve suggested that game earlier.”
“I did suggest something earlier. You told me to move.”
She looked away.
The wheels touched down. Lily woke.
“Mom, can I have your tablet?”
“Not yet.”
“I’m bored!”
Her mother closed her eyes.
“Please. Five minutes without that word.”
I stood and reached for my bag.
“Good luck, ma’am.”
“With what?”
“The ride home.”
In the terminal, I saw a text from my wife, Sarah: Ben and Max were waiting for me.
I couldn’t wait to see my boys.
But first, I’d hug my wife and beg her never to buy them light-up sneakers.
I’ve spent twenty years fixing hearts. Sometimes the best cure for a headache is giving it back to whoever caused it.
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